Adoption pioneer speaks about the changing world of adoption

As a pioneer in the field of adoption and post adoption services, Dr. Joyce Maguire Pavao, Ed.D., LCSW, LMFT, knows that the world of adoption has changed since her own adoption sixty years ago.

“So many things have changed. In the early days of adoption it was a supply and demand kind of situation,” notes Pavao. Today, she thinks it is more important for anyone involved in the adoption process to be child-centered–to find families for children rather than find children for families.

Once those families have been found, and an adoption has been finalized, Pavao advocates for the utilization of post adoption services to overcome the challenges in “understanding and making sense of adoption” for all parties—birth family, adoptive family and adopted persons.

“The importance of post adoption services is challenging. There is a lot of loss involved and often trauma as well. Providing services in an ongoing way is very important,” says Pavao.

She notes that the job of the new adoptive parent is to be aware of, and sensitive to, identity issues the child may experience so as to make the youth more comfortable during the transition and afterwards.

Pavao points to the increasing trend of gay and lesbian couples adopting to explain her opinion. In the past, she says that one of the partners in these couples had to act as a single parent to adopt. Now, people are more overt about their sexual orientation. That they are gay or lesbian is important to their identification as a family and that is to be considered as they go through the adoption process. She argues that secrecy did not work in adoption of old, and secrecy does not work in the present.

“These are people that are good people that want to be parents,” says Pavao.

And as the world of adoption continues to change, the desire to be a parent and welcome a child into a family is one constant Pavao views as an important characteristic that anyone interested in adopting should have.

More of Pavao’s take on the changes occurring in the world of adoption can be heard during the morning keynote address “The Changing World of Adoption: How Far Have We Come,” which she is scheduled to deliver during the Adoption Resource Network at Hillside Children’s Center’s 17th annual conference: “The Changing World of Adoption” being held on November 8, 2008, at the Bay Trail Middle School, 1760 Scribner Road, Penfield, NY 14526.

“I think the conference is terrific. Everyone should consider attending. They will be surprised and will learn something about themselves, their loved ones, and their community,” says Pavao.

Registration for the conference is now open and can be done online at http://www.hillside.com/Services/Adoption/conference.htm. For more on the work Dr. Pavao is doing, log on to The Center For Family Connections web site at http://www.kinnect.org. Her book is The Family of Adoption, Beacon Press, 2005.

The world of adoption is changing

Adoption Resource Network at Hillside Children’s Center is focusing this year’s conference on the changes that are impacting how and why people adopt children.

Attendees at the November 8, 2008 conference being held from 8:00 a.m. to 4:00 p.m. at the Bay Trail Middle School in Penfield, NY (See map here), will be able to participate in workshops that explore topics ranging from single parent adoption and LGBT adoption to how the Hague impacts adoption and why connections matter in the adoption process.

“During the 17 years that we’ve been holding this conference, there have been so many changes that have impacted how and why people adopt. Each year, the conference has proven to be one of the best ways for anyone interested in adopting, anyone who is an adoptive parent, and anyone who is an adoptee themselves to learn about these changes first-hand from others who have experienced them,” says Lisa Maynard, Adoption Resource Network at Hillside Children’s Center executive director.

In addition to the slate of workshops, a morning keynote address entitled “The changing world of adoption: how far have we come,” an afternoon keynote addressing interracial adoption, and a general session discussing the future of adoption, the conference will provide multiple opportunities for conference attendees to interact with one another and learn more about the various aspects of adoption.

Registration for the conference is now open and can be done online at http://www.hillside.com/Services/Adoption/conference.htm.

How you can benefit from Adoption Resource Network’s Annual Adoption Conference

By Lisa Maynard, ARN at HCC Executive Director


When I began exploring adoption as a way to build my family, I thought it would be easy. All I needed to do was figure out who could help, figure out how to apply, and then sit back and start being a Mom.

I had an idea that we would be asked through the homestudy process to explain why we wanted to adopt, describe ourselves, and prove we could handle the responsibility. Starting on that journey was much more challenging than I could have imagined – there was no Internet, no one source of information, no “one stop shop” for adoption. Additionally, I was quite unaware of the enormous impact adoption would have on my life.

When my adoption journey began more than 18 years ago, my friend Cindy and I, under the guidance of our adoption social worker from Love The Children, embarked on a project to host an adoption conference for the Greater Rochester (NY) community.

We had big plans for our conference, including a keynote from a nationally renowned speaker, bringing together advocates from the adoption community, as well as bringing together all three sides of the adoption triad–birth parents, adoptive parents, and adults who were adopted. It was exciting as we eagerly anticipated a successful conference.

Our goal for the first conference was to draw between 100 and 150 attendees. We called on national organizations that had experience hosting conferences, and were cautioned to lower our goal because 50 or so was considered a “great” turnout. Undaunted, we were determined to meet our original attendance goal.

We designed and distributed flyers and announcements. We called on friends and colleagues to spread the word. And, we were completely astounded by the response. One week out from that first conference, we had 450 people registered and more calling each day! It was clear we had identified a “gap in service” and we weren’t even looking!

Prior to hosting that first conference, I had only been to one other conference on adoption. Until that conference, I wasn’t completely aware of the opportunities afforded through such a venue. I found I enjoyed the workshops and learned a great deal from them. I found resources I didn’t see elsewhere, and made new friends. It was exhilarating to see those same opportunities at our conference.

I have since attended state, national, and international conferences on adoption. Each time I learn something new, come home with new ideas, new resources, and renewed hope for the future of adoption and foster care in the United States and abroad. Additionally, I find new challenges and renewed commitment to children and families touched by adoption.

Much like those conferences, Adoption Resource Network’s annual conference offers many resources. If you come, you will learn about the unique issues of adoption and foster care. You can collect helpful tips for parenting adopted children. You will have the opportunity to meet people–agency representatives, attorneys, social workers–who can assist you with the adoption process. You will find information and resources to help you conduct a search for biological family, and network with others in adoptive and foster care relationships.

You are sure to be challenged, to grow in your approach to adoption, to find new perspectives, to learn new approaches to parenting, in your search for self and family at Adoption Resource Network’s annual conference.

See how the changing world of adoption can change your life! Register online today.

The Dinner Gang

Adoption Resource Network at Hillside Children's Center Executive Director Lisa Maynard (second in on the right) and colleagues from around the country at NACAC's 35th annual conference on adoption in Ottawa--summer 2008.

A journey 18 years in the making

By Lisa Maynard, ARN at HCC executive director

A little more than 18 years ago, I was on a flight to JFK to pick up my new daughter. I was nervous and excited, and more than a little frightened of how this new addition would affect our existing family of three. How would our beloved son adjust? At nearly three years old, he had been the one and only, the treasured first son. His life was about to be disrupted by our new arrival and I worried about his reaction and my ability to care for two babies at once.

At five months old, my daughter had just experienced the loss of the only family she had ever known, endured a grueling 26-hour trip from Seoul, South Korea halfway around the world to New York City accompanied by an escort she had never met before, and was placed in our loving–yet strange–arms. The moment I held her, my fears and apprehensions melted away. I knew my family was complete.

In late August, her dad, brother, and I (her step-dad was waylaid by surgery and disappointed at missing the trip) delivered Kristen to another strange land–Columbus, Ohio. This time, she had favorite belongings with her, was accompanied by her family, and was delivered with love and care to her new home and latest adventure—College!

How on earth did 18 years pass? In a conversation on one of our many trips to the store to buy supplies for her dorm, I told Kristen how all my friends who had children long before I did warned me of how fast children grow. I pretended to listen, to understand, but really I had no idea. It would be different for me; I would cherish each day and relish the progress she made, counting each day as a special lifetime. For me, time would play out like a slow motion fairy tale–making cookies, painting faces and knees, hosting sleepover parties, and cuddling late into the night. My daughter's childhood would last forever.

And suddenly, the spunky pink bundle that was placed in my arms in an airport in New York City grew overnight into a charming beauty–talented, engaging and strong-willed. While gathered with other moms watching the picture-taking at a pre-Senior Ball event, many of them exclaimed over the stunning dark-haired young woman in the purple gown. My daughter! I basked in their awe and shared it with them, finally admitting that she was mine!

I have learned so much from my daughter. She affected my life in ways I could not have imagined. Her bright flashes of anger taught me that mad is sometimes OK. Her charm and poise make me proud. Her brilliant smile lights me up. Her love for me astounds me and makes me feel luckier than any other mom.

I learned that attachments are made over time, with patience, with unwavering commitment. I've learned that adoption is so much more than bringing a baby into your home with a "clean slate" starting new from that day. I've learned that I can be Mom, honor her origins, love her birth mother without whom I would not have the incredible gift of my daughter.

The journey to adoption is often fraught with frustration, delay, discouraging news, long waits, and sometimes disappointment. Many of us have had to face up to recognize and mourn our unmet expectations. Many of us have faced challenges we did not anticipate, did not really "ask for." It all seems so insignificant when compared to the sheer bliss, the honor, the incredible depth of love, and overwhelming commitment of parenting a child by adoption.

How proud I am of my daughter. How fortunate I am to be Kristen's Mom.

Photo: Lisa, right, and daughter Kristen