The Changing World of Adoption

By Lisa Maynard, Adoption Resource Network at Hillside Children’s Center executive director

More than 20 years ago, I wanted to be a Mom.

Conventional methods just weren’t working, and our doctor grouped us among the “unexplained infertile.” I was ready to move away from my doctor and move toward adoption.

I was scared and frustrated. I had heard the horror stories of adopting a baby in the U.S. I had talked with couples through a group called Infertility Focus who had been selected to parent the baby of a woman who at the last moment changed her mind. I had had enough disappointment and sadness during our infertility; I wasn’t ready to go deeper into loss from there. One agency told us there was a 7 to 10 year wait for a “healthy white infant.” Starting a family as I was approaching 40 wasn’t an option. All I kept thinking was that I was ready to start now!

We decided to check out International Adoption. It wasn’t any easier. Gathering information and choosing an agency was a challenge. Every agency I called claimed to be the best. How would I know? What did I need to look for in an agency? Where should I begin? I was at a loss. This was, after all, before the age of the Internet!

We attended an agency information meeting after I had spotted an ad in the local penny saver that had jumped out at me while packing to move into a new home. I called it fate and we decided to attend. The agency rep. was knowledgeable, warm, and kind. The room was filled with newly adoptive parents holding tightly to their babies. We made the decision to move forward.

The memory of when we got the call that our son was arriving within days will stay in my mind forever. My mother and I were running from the front door to the back–unable to decide whether we should walk or drive to share the news with my husband. While we were trying to figure out that huge dilemma, he came home for lunch! We made our plane reservations, called our friends, and waited some more.

Three days later, we were watching the international arrivals de-plane from Korean Airlines. Fourteen babies arrived from Korea that day; we tried to match the picture in our hand with the tiny faces in strollers two stories below. Suddenly, the elevator doors opened, and someone called our name. We stood staring at our new son, unsure of what to do next., “You can pick him up,” said the escort kindly. We did, and she left, and we began our life as a family and our journey through adoption continued.

In 1987, we filed an adoption application with an agency on May 29. On September 29 that year, our son Alex arrived from South Korea through the international terminal at JFK. It took four months!
The wait had seemed interminable, the time between was filled with Homestudy, baby-care classes, worrying, waiting, cleaning, painting, purchasing baby stuff, and more worrying.

So much has changed in 21 years. To some extent, the world is on information overload. The Internet has given us an incredible tool and access to all corners of the world. We can find truckloads of information and innumerable links to services which might meet our needs.

It feels easier in some respects than it did when we began our journey. However, the content, reliability, and validity of the information on the Internet can be somewhat questionable. Who can you trust? How can you be sure an agency you choose on the Internet will really care about you and your family’s future, and guide you through the adoption process?

Cindy Fleischer and I started Adoption Resource Network 18 years ago with the intent to bring together all sides of the adoption triad and to provide unbiased information, education, referral and support to individuals, couples and families who are interested in or involved in adoption. Our first annual conference drew a totally unexpected audience of 450! I wish there had been a conference like that before I began the adoption process. Each year, we hear from participants that the conference was the single most helpful step they took at the beginning of their adoption journey.

Almost two decades later, the Adoption Resource Network at Hillside Children’s Center’s Annual Adoption Conference is still the best way in upstate New York to gather resources for adoption.

How A Child Defines Belonging

Jaiya John will be giving the luncheon keynote address on November 8 at the 17th Annual Adoption Resource Network at Hillside Children’s Center Conference on Adoption “The Changing World of Adoption.”

Jaiya John’s poetic keynote celebrates the promise and the impact of adoption and similar family arrangements. Jaiya defines culture as a person’s way of existing in the world. This definition brings every child under the same tree; a tree rooted in our human need to feel as though we are beautiful (worthy, valid, positively unique and similar) and as though we belong (possessing an honored purpose within the collective). The challenge we face is in learning to honor children in the context of their purposeful individual uniqueness. Honoring children creates serenity, healing, and growth in each family member. In this holistic cultural approach, families learn to celebrate each member’s unique heritage, life story, and identity as a pathway to healthy relationships.

Throughout the afternoon Jaiya will also be conducting a book signing of his child service-related titles Legendary; Beautiful; Reflection Pond and Black Baby White Hands: A View from the Crib. Learn more about Jaiya John and Soul Water Rising’s global human relations mission at www.soulwater.org.

Workshop Session during the conference:

Jaiya’s workshop session will not be a “workshop” in the conventional sense, but rather a question-and-answer discussion addressing issues that were raised for participants during Jaiya’s keynote presentation. This will be a conversational session, without exercises or handouts. Here is your chance for hear-to-heart on the issues that are significant to you.

Two from Hillside discuss adoption on WGRZ's WNY Living

Check out this great segment from the October 11, 2008 WNY Living program. Lisa Maynard and Jody Hansen-Walker talk with Janet, the host of the show, about adoption, the upcoming conference, and the award the Adoption Support and Preservation services received from the US Department of Health and Human Services.

Here's the link to the main segment page: http://www.wnyliving.tv/WNYLiving_Article.aspx?storyid=61124

You can find the video by clicking on the "Click here to view" link on top of the Hillside logo, or by clicking here: http://www.wnyliving.tv/VideoPlayer.aspx?aid=48221&bw=

Behind the scenes at RNews on Oct. 9

Here is a brief "behind the scenes" look at the interview Lisa Maynard did with RNews' Virginia Butler early on October 9, 2008 about the ASAP award and the upcoming conference. Wait until the end to get Lisa's take on the interview. The RNews story can be found online here.

Watch RNews on October 9

Check out RNews around 7:45 a.m./8:00 a.m. October 9, 2008 and at RNews.com throughout the day for a special interview with Lisa Maynard, Adoption Resource Network at Hillside Children's Center.

Then come back here to this blog for a "behind-the-scenes" video of the interview.

Lisa Maynard on WBTA 1490

Mark your calendars!
Lisa Maynard, Executive Director of Adoption Resource Network at Hillside Children's Center will be on the radio October 2, 2008.
Listen to Batavia's WBTA 1490 AM at 9:40 a.m. to hear her talk about the award the program just received and the upcoming conference.

ASAP services nationally recognized

The U.S. Department of Health and Human Services has announced that the Adoption Resource Network at Hillside Children’s Center is being recognized with the 2008 Adoption Excellence Award for the extraordinary contributions it has made in providing adoption and other permanency outcomes for children in foster care through its Adoption Support and Preservation services.

“It’s an honor to receive national recognition for our work to support and ensure the stability of adoptive families through our Adoption Support and Preservation services,” said Lisa Maynard, Adoption Resource Network at Hillside Children’s Center executive director.

Adoption Support and Preservation (ASAP) offers support services to TANF-eligible families who have adopted or are in the process of adopting a child. The services include: information and referrals; support groups; skill building; crisis intervention; advocacy; respite services; and counseling. The service model employed by ASAP is the only one of its kind in Monroe County, and is unique to upstate New York.

Since rolling out the services in 2006, ASAP has proven extremely effective and has surpassed all of its performance targets.

“Because of ASAP, 99 percent of all children placed with a pre-adoptive family have stayed with that family despite facing very unique challenges. Without the services, the children wouldn’t have made it,” said Maynard.

The U.S. Department of Health and Human Services established the Adoption Excellence Awards program to recognize outstanding accomplishments in achieving permanency for the nation’s children in foster care awaiting adoption. The awards honor states, child welfare agencies, organizations, courts, businesses, individuals, and families. More information on the awards can be found at http://www.acf.hhs.gov/programs/cb/current_initiatives/aeawards.htm

Adoption Resource Network at Hillside Children’s Center will hold its 17th Annual Adoption Conference: “The Changing World of Adoption” on November 8, 2008 at Bay Trail Middle School in Penfield. For information about speakers and workshops and to register, log on to http://www.hillside.com/Services/Adoption/conference.htm
More information about Adoption Resource Network at Hillside Children’s Center can be found at http://www.hillside.com