The Changing World of Adoption

By Lisa Maynard, Adoption Resource Network at Hillside Children’s Center executive director

More than 20 years ago, I wanted to be a Mom.

Conventional methods just weren’t working, and our doctor grouped us among the “unexplained infertile.” I was ready to move away from my doctor and move toward adoption.

I was scared and frustrated. I had heard the horror stories of adopting a baby in the U.S. I had talked with couples through a group called Infertility Focus who had been selected to parent the baby of a woman who at the last moment changed her mind. I had had enough disappointment and sadness during our infertility; I wasn’t ready to go deeper into loss from there. One agency told us there was a 7 to 10 year wait for a “healthy white infant.” Starting a family as I was approaching 40 wasn’t an option. All I kept thinking was that I was ready to start now!

We decided to check out International Adoption. It wasn’t any easier. Gathering information and choosing an agency was a challenge. Every agency I called claimed to be the best. How would I know? What did I need to look for in an agency? Where should I begin? I was at a loss. This was, after all, before the age of the Internet!

We attended an agency information meeting after I had spotted an ad in the local penny saver that had jumped out at me while packing to move into a new home. I called it fate and we decided to attend. The agency rep. was knowledgeable, warm, and kind. The room was filled with newly adoptive parents holding tightly to their babies. We made the decision to move forward.

The memory of when we got the call that our son was arriving within days will stay in my mind forever. My mother and I were running from the front door to the back–unable to decide whether we should walk or drive to share the news with my husband. While we were trying to figure out that huge dilemma, he came home for lunch! We made our plane reservations, called our friends, and waited some more.

Three days later, we were watching the international arrivals de-plane from Korean Airlines. Fourteen babies arrived from Korea that day; we tried to match the picture in our hand with the tiny faces in strollers two stories below. Suddenly, the elevator doors opened, and someone called our name. We stood staring at our new son, unsure of what to do next., “You can pick him up,” said the escort kindly. We did, and she left, and we began our life as a family and our journey through adoption continued.

In 1987, we filed an adoption application with an agency on May 29. On September 29 that year, our son Alex arrived from South Korea through the international terminal at JFK. It took four months!
The wait had seemed interminable, the time between was filled with Homestudy, baby-care classes, worrying, waiting, cleaning, painting, purchasing baby stuff, and more worrying.

So much has changed in 21 years. To some extent, the world is on information overload. The Internet has given us an incredible tool and access to all corners of the world. We can find truckloads of information and innumerable links to services which might meet our needs.

It feels easier in some respects than it did when we began our journey. However, the content, reliability, and validity of the information on the Internet can be somewhat questionable. Who can you trust? How can you be sure an agency you choose on the Internet will really care about you and your family’s future, and guide you through the adoption process?

Cindy Fleischer and I started Adoption Resource Network 18 years ago with the intent to bring together all sides of the adoption triad and to provide unbiased information, education, referral and support to individuals, couples and families who are interested in or involved in adoption. Our first annual conference drew a totally unexpected audience of 450! I wish there had been a conference like that before I began the adoption process. Each year, we hear from participants that the conference was the single most helpful step they took at the beginning of their adoption journey.

Almost two decades later, the Adoption Resource Network at Hillside Children’s Center’s Annual Adoption Conference is still the best way in upstate New York to gather resources for adoption.