By Lisa Maynard, ARN at HCC executive director A little more than 18 years ago, I was on a flight to JFK to pick up my new daughter. I was nervous and excited, and more than a little frightened of how this new addition would affect our existing family of three. How would our beloved son adjust? At nearly three years old, he had been the one and only, the treasured first son. His life was about to be disrupted by our new arrival and I worried about his reaction and my ability to care for two babies at once.
At five months old, my daughter had just experienced the loss of the only family she had ever known, endured a grueling 26-hour trip from Seoul, South Korea halfway around the world to New York City accompanied by an escort she had never met before, and was placed in our loving–yet strange–arms. The moment I held her, my fears and apprehensions melted away. I knew my family was complete.
In late August, her dad, brother, and I (her step-dad was waylaid by surgery and disappointed at missing the trip) delivered Kristen to another strange land–Columbus, Ohio. This time, she had favorite belongings with her, was accompanied by her family, and was delivered with love and care to her new home and latest adventure—College!
How on earth did 18 years pass? In a conversation on one of our many trips to the store to buy supplies for her dorm, I told Kristen how all my friends who had children long before I did warned me of how fast children grow. I pretended to listen, to understand, but really I had no idea. It would be different for me; I would cherish each day and relish the progress she made, counting each day as a special lifetime. For me, time would play out like a slow motion fairy tale–making cookies, painting faces and knees, hosting sleepover parties, and cuddling late into the night. My daughter's childhood would last forever.
And suddenly, the spunky pink bundle that was placed in my arms in an airport in New York City grew overnight into a charming beauty–talented, engaging and strong-willed. While gathered with other moms watching the picture-taking at a pre-Senior Ball event, many of them exclaimed over the stunning dark-haired young woman in the purple gown. My daughter! I basked in their awe and shared it with them, finally admitting that she was mine!
I have learned so much from my daughter. She affected my life in ways I could not have imagined. Her bright flashes of anger taught me that mad is sometimes OK. Her charm and poise make me proud. Her brilliant smile lights me up. Her love for me astounds me and makes me feel luckier than any other mom.
I learned that attachments are made over time, with patience, with unwavering commitment. I've learned that adoption is so much more than bringing a baby into your home with a "clean slate" starting new from that day. I've learned that I can be Mom, honor her origins, love her birth mother without whom I would not have the incredible gift of my daughter.
The journey to adoption is often fraught with frustration, delay, discouraging news, long waits, and sometimes disappointment. Many of us have had to face up to recognize and mourn our unmet expectations. Many of us have faced challenges we did not anticipate, did not really "ask for." It all seems so insignificant when compared to the sheer bliss, the honor, the incredible depth of love, and overwhelming commitment of parenting a child by adoption.
How proud I am of my daughter. How fortunate I am to be Kristen's Mom.
At five months old, my daughter had just experienced the loss of the only family she had ever known, endured a grueling 26-hour trip from Seoul, South Korea halfway around the world to New York City accompanied by an escort she had never met before, and was placed in our loving–yet strange–arms. The moment I held her, my fears and apprehensions melted away. I knew my family was complete.
In late August, her dad, brother, and I (her step-dad was waylaid by surgery and disappointed at missing the trip) delivered Kristen to another strange land–Columbus, Ohio. This time, she had favorite belongings with her, was accompanied by her family, and was delivered with love and care to her new home and latest adventure—College!
How on earth did 18 years pass? In a conversation on one of our many trips to the store to buy supplies for her dorm, I told Kristen how all my friends who had children long before I did warned me of how fast children grow. I pretended to listen, to understand, but really I had no idea. It would be different for me; I would cherish each day and relish the progress she made, counting each day as a special lifetime. For me, time would play out like a slow motion fairy tale–making cookies, painting faces and knees, hosting sleepover parties, and cuddling late into the night. My daughter's childhood would last forever.
And suddenly, the spunky pink bundle that was placed in my arms in an airport in New York City grew overnight into a charming beauty–talented, engaging and strong-willed. While gathered with other moms watching the picture-taking at a pre-Senior Ball event, many of them exclaimed over the stunning dark-haired young woman in the purple gown. My daughter! I basked in their awe and shared it with them, finally admitting that she was mine!
I have learned so much from my daughter. She affected my life in ways I could not have imagined. Her bright flashes of anger taught me that mad is sometimes OK. Her charm and poise make me proud. Her brilliant smile lights me up. Her love for me astounds me and makes me feel luckier than any other mom.
I learned that attachments are made over time, with patience, with unwavering commitment. I've learned that adoption is so much more than bringing a baby into your home with a "clean slate" starting new from that day. I've learned that I can be Mom, honor her origins, love her birth mother without whom I would not have the incredible gift of my daughter.
The journey to adoption is often fraught with frustration, delay, discouraging news, long waits, and sometimes disappointment. Many of us have had to face up to recognize and mourn our unmet expectations. Many of us have faced challenges we did not anticipate, did not really "ask for." It all seems so insignificant when compared to the sheer bliss, the honor, the incredible depth of love, and overwhelming commitment of parenting a child by adoption.
How proud I am of my daughter. How fortunate I am to be Kristen's Mom.
Photo: Lisa, right, and daughter Kristen
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